THE THREE MUSKATEERS (2011)

October 25, 2011

 Greetings again from the darkness. The trailer told me all I need to know, but my life-long interest in all things related to the Alexandre Dumas novel had me ignoring my movie gut instincts and heading out to catch this latest version of the Muskateer saga. Since then, I have been telling myself “I told you so“.

Logan Lerman (Percy Jackson & the Olympians) plays the young, brash D’Artagnian, son of a former Muskateer. Lerman may develop into a fine actor someday, but right now he is as bland on screen as Orlando Bloom, who happens to play rival Duke of Buckingham. Athos, Aramis and Porthos are played, respectively, by Matthew Macfadyen (Pride & Prejudice), Luke Evans (Tamara Drewe) and Ray Stevenson (Volstagg in Thor). No need for me to go into character detail as none make any real impression thanks to a lackluster script.

 The boys are a bit out of sorts after being tricked by double-agent Milady, played by Milla Jovovich, who apparently is really working for the conniving Cardinal played by Christoph Waltz. Mads Mikkelsen plays Rochefort, the evil army leader and master swordsman, but somehow even with Waltz and Mikkelsen, this film is just lacking in bad guy substance.  How does that possibly happen?

Director Paul W.S. Anderson is known best for his Resident Evil film series and his love of special effects is on full display here. There were scenes that reminded me of Will Smith’s Wild Wild West, and others that looked like Robert Downey, Jr’s Sherlock Holmes. If you love the Dumas novel, you just cringed after reading that sentence. The key to the Muskateers is swashbuckling and sharp, sarcastic wit surrounding wild and athletic sword play, all performed for an honorable mission.  There is just not much wit to enjoy and that’s compounded by a dearth of swords clinking.

 In addition to a more colorful script, some suggestions for improvement include casting Charlie Sheen (he is a Muskateer alum) as the Duke of Buckingham, easing up on the buffoonery associated with King Louis XIII, and more evil-doing from Waltz and Mikkelson.  It’s not the first movie in which I have disappointed, and it certainly won’t be the last. It’s just frustrating because … I told me so!

SEE THIS MOVIE IF: you are a fan of the Muskateers and, like me, have a genetic need to see every film version of the Dumas story.

SKIP THIS MOVIE IF: the idea of a lead actor matching the Bloom blandness is just more than you can possibly take.

watch the trailer:

 

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Posted by David Ferguson

CLASH OF THE TITANS (2010)

April 4, 2010

 Greetings again from the darkness. I have a weakness for the 1981 version and still get a kick out of Ray Harryhausen’s stop-action art in that film, as well as the “Sinbad” films. One of my favorite trivia questions is “What film starred both Harry Hamlin and Laurence Olivier?”. That cracks me up, and stumps most people … even though most have seen the original.

Director Louis Leterrier provides a remake that is very much a film project of current day despite the mythology involved. Here, Liam Neeson as Zeus and Ralph Finnes as Hades are (not so close) brothers supposedly battling for the same thing – getting those pesky humans back in line. This comes after the army of Argos gets fed up with the whims of the Gods and makes a move toward independence. You either know the story or not, but either way shouldn’t affect your enjoyment of the movie.

Sam Worthington, fresh off his Avatar fame makes for a solid Perseus, the half-son of Zeus (thanks to an earlier trick, that most would call rape). However, I never could make sense of his perfectly barbered look of facial and scalp stubble, while those around him all sport the late-60’s Hell’s Angels look. Gemma Atherton (former Bond girl) plays the quasi-God who is to protect Persues, and Mads Mikkelson (former Bond villain) fights alongside him. However, this is not an actor’s film.

The special effects are bountiful. Hades comes and goes as a cloud of thick black smoke and is quite comfortable splitting himself off into a flock of evil-spirited flying dragon things. Pegasus, the flying horse is back, as are the giant scorpions, who are much bigger and badder than before. Still don’t understand how they went from mean to sweet between scenes. Of course, the coolest thing is Medusa and her hairdo of creepy, crawly snakes. That’s one bad chick. The most impressive special effect is the Kraken, Hade’s underworld pet who is “released” to destroy mankind (unless Perseus can stop him).

There is one humorous tip of the cap to the original, but most of the other shots at humor fall extremely flat. This is not a movie to see for the dialogue. The mythology and wonderment of the Gods have a certain appeal, though this one certainly falls short in providing us any real insight into the daily tasks of the lucky few on Olympus. So enjoy this one for what it is … a guilty pleasure.  And stump your friends with that trivia question!

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Posted by David Ferguson