ALL OF YOU (2025)

September 26, 2025

Greetings again from the darkness. This plays like a spin on the old Verizon commercials: Do you love me now? Writer-director William Bridges and co-writer/ lead actor Brett Goldstein deliver one of the more frustrating and cringey romantic movies I’ve seen in a while. There are a couple of character references to situations feeling too “adult”, and I kept thinking, why don’t any of these grown-ups act like an adult?

Simon (co-writer Goldstein, “Ted Lasso”) and Laura (Imogen Poots, THE FATHER, 2020) have been best friends since their days at university. Their bond is so close, they seem one step from having their own secret language. As the opening credits play, we are inundated with advertisements for Soul Connex. The ads claim all it takes is “a simple eye test” to find your forever soul mate. Now, in real life, it’s possible that two people as connected as Simon and Laura might recognize the soul mate sharing inside jokes with them, but in this movie, complications are mandatory.

Laura decides to take the test, while Simon adamantly refuses. He prefers to let nature take its course (a rare toaster analogy), while she prefers to charge his credit card for her test. She’s certain they will remain friends, which contrasts with his line, “I’ll miss you every day”. Sure enough, Laura finds her match in Lukas (Steven Cree, “Outlander”), while Simon becomes a periodic third wheel. She loves Lukas and they have a kid together, while Simon wanders through the forest of potential mates … periodically meeting up with his old BFF as sparks are re-ignited.

There is a major shift when Laura’s dad dies, and the film becomes one of the most maddening scenarios that any movie has dared present. The settings are often stunning, and the people are quite pleasant to look at, but the recurring situations defy all rational romance and true love preferences. It becomes something we have no interest in participating in, and frankly, turns these two previously pleasant and easily likable characters into quasi-villains that we no longer care for in the least.

Typically, I can find something positive to latch onto in a movie, regardless of however much negativity I feel towards the rest. All I can say here is that both lead characters need to realize it’s time to be an adult – and that means doing the right thing (or at least it used to).

The film will be released in select theaters and on Apple TV+ on September 26th, 2025

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Posted by David Ferguson

MR. MALCOLM’S LIST (2022)

June 30, 2022

Greetings again from the darkness. At this point, I believe it’s fair to say we have a Jane Austen sub-genre for film, TV, and books. After all, it’s been more than 200 years, and her novels have remained in print, have also been adapted too many times to count, and inspired countless writers and filmmakers to follow in her footsteps. The success of the “Bridgerton” series is a testament to the Jane Austen realm, despite being adapted from the novels of Julia Quinn. For this first feature film from director Emma Holly Jones, Suzanne Allain has adapted the screenplay from her own novel, and interestingly, this is a feature length version of Ms. Jones’ 2019 short film, with most of the cast and crew returning.

The film opens in 1802 England as youngsters Julia and Selina solidify their BFF bond. Flashing forward to a majestic castle in 1818, we find it’s mating season for high society, and Julia (Zawe Ashton) has her sights set on the catch-of-the-year, Mr. Jeremy Malcolm (Sope Dirisu). Their first date to the opera tells Malcolm everything he needs to know to rule out Julia as a prospective match. Her ignorance on current affairs and overall personality prevent any type of love connection. Though her feelings are hurt at the rejection, Julia likely would have moved on if not for a public humiliation related to the date, but not caused by Malcolm. When Julia discloses her embarrassment to her cousin, Lord Cassidy (an excellent Oliver Jackson-Cohen), he confides that Malcolm has crafted a list of requirements for his future bride. Instantly, Julia begins scheming to turn the tables of ‘humiliation’ on Malcolm, hoping to regain her reputation … one tarnished by four previous seasons without a match.

Julia’s scheme requires two co-conspirators. Lord Cassidy has already been bullied into the ring, and next up is her childhood friend, Selina (Freida Pinto). Selina is of a lower class than Julia, and against her better judgement (and sweet demeanor) agrees to the plan: playing the role of the perfect match for Malcolm before humiliating him by exposing his ‘list’. Of course, anyone who has ever watched a movie or read a book knows where this is headed … and that’s exactly where it goes. Selina and Malcolm do prove to be a good match, and she is overwhelmed by guilt.

Like Mr. Malcolm, I have a list … only my list is for the issues I have with the film:

  1. Julia is neither smart nor nice, and would be a poor match for most men
  2. Her plot for revenge proves her mean streak, as Malcolm never publicly humiliated her
  3. Malcolm has good looks and lots of money, but otherwise doesn’t seem like much fun
  4. Selina is smart, but we never see why she falls for Malcolm – other than his looks and money
  5. Selina seems too nice to ever go along with Julia’s devious plan against a guy who did nothing wrong
  6. The twist with Captain Henry Ossory is totally unbelievable and fabricated strictly for a happy ending
  7. The cast diversity plays like a gimmick and totally ignores genetics. There are more legitimate ways to achieve diversity

My list is longer than Mr. Malcolm’s, but you get the point on why the film didn’t work for me. Julia is unlucky in love because she is not likable, and Mr. Malcolm is a bit dull, and is only a “catch” because of looks and money. We never care about either of these characters. And shouldn’t everyone have a ‘list’ of characteristics they desire in a mate? It’s probably for all these reasons that I found the movie uncomfortable to watch and entirely too long. That said, the cast is superb and the performances are admirable in spite the issues I have with the script and story. Many viewers will likely ignore what bugged me here, and I contend the best of the recent entries in this genre continues to be EMMA. (2020)

Opens in theaters on July 1, 2022

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Posted by David Ferguson

VELVET BUZZSAW (2019)

February 9, 2019

 Greetings again from the darkness. Filmmaker Dan Gilroy has distinct ideas on how to make his movie stand out from the cluttered maze of Netflix: give elitists a violent comeuppance, and allow Jake Gyllenhaal the freedom to take his character over the top. Not only has Mr. Gilroy reunited with Mr. Gyllenhaal and Rene Russo, his leads from the excellent NIGHTCRAWLER (2014), but he has also assembled a deep and terrific ensemble of actors who understand exactly how to present the material … even if some viewers will be confused, startled, or unimpressed.

What begins as a parody of the highfalutin contemporary art world, slowly transforms into a satirical-supernatural-horror film that judges severely those who drive the profit train by peddling art. Morf Vandewalt (Gyllenhaal) is the flamboyant art critic who possesses God-like abilities to make or break an artist with the words he chooses for his reviews. His work often intersects with Rhodora Haze (Ms. Russo), who runs the largest gallery in the city. She was once part of a punk rock band (from which the film takes its title), and now she lives to cash in on the work of others. As she so eloquently describes, she has moved “from anarchist to purveyor of good taste”. Other players include Jon Dondon (Tom Sturridge) as Rhodora’s competitor, Gretchen (Toni Collette) as an agent, Bryson (Billy Magnussen) as a whip smart handyman, Coco (Natalia Dyer) as a Midwestern girl trying to make it in the big city, Piers (John Malkovich) as a blocked artist who regrets quitting drinking, Damrish (Daveed Diggs) as an up and coming artist, and Josephina (Zawe Ashton) as Rhodora’s ambitious assistant.

The story shifts tone when Josephina discovers the artwork left behind when her reclusive elderly neighbor Mr. Dease dies suddenly. Dease is unknown as an artist and was in the process of destroying his life’s work when he died … he wanted no part of the art world, other than creating his own work. Josephina seizes on this opportunity and works with Rhodora in representing the work of this “hot” artist. As the work is monetized, the supernatural forces take over – often in quite violent ways. The players are so focused on how to capitalize on the work, it takes them an inordinate amount of time to realize evil forces are afoot. No one escapes scrutiny: artists, critics, agents, or collectors.

In cinema, if you choose to go bat**** crazy, it’s best to not hold back. Gyllenhaal plays Mort full tilt and he’s immensely fun to watch. The extraordinary ensemble cast benefits from some unusual and vivid imagery supported by expert cinematography from Oscar winner Robert Elswit (THERE WILL BE BLOOD). It’s rare for so much social commentary to be included in a project that could easily be compared to a teen slasher. There is some excellent dark humor, though maybe not quite enough, and two art exhibits in particular are memorable: Hoboman, and the Sphere. There are some clear cut groups of people in the film: the hot youngsters (Josephina, Dondon, Damrish) vs. the establishment (Mort, Rhodora, Piers) vs. misguided wannabes (Gretchen, Coco, Bryson). No matter their approach, one of the messages shines through – artists invest their soul into their work and that often stands in direct conflict with the other side of money and commerce. We can be a bit forgiving the film’s faults given the ambitious nature of the project; just be cautious of the monkeys in the mirror.

available on Netflix

watch the trailer:

 

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Posted by David Ferguson