OF GODS AND MEN (des hommes et des dieux, FR)

March 26, 2011

 Greetings again from the darkness. This film may be tough for much of the American audience. There are long stretches with minimal dialogue and more filmed prayer than I ever recall seeing. This is based on the true story of eight Trappist Monks who are caught in the middle between some 1996 fundamentalist terrorists and the Algerian-Muslim village that the monastery serves.

The driving theme is the dilemma facing the dedicated monks … should they remain in the monastery and support the village or should they retreat and live to serve another community? The film does a terrific job of examining the strength of faith among this group who are still just human beings … men who don’t wish to die.

 The government has ordered them to leave and the military has offered to protect them. The group, led by Christian (Lambert Wilson), declines the military offer and continually discuss the idea of leaving. The wisest of the monks, Luc (Michael Lonsdale), is in failing health. He is also the doctor and can’t imagine leaving the villagers with no medical care.  Their is a tremendous exchange as one of the monks states they are like birds on a branch.  A humble villager replies that the monks are the branch and the villagers are the birds.  Good stuff.

Director Xavier Beauvois (Le petit Lieutenant) creates a fantastic scene where the Monks make their final decision to stay. Their dinner and wine event is set to the tune of the Black Swan symphony. Really something to behold as smiles and relief make their way around the table. Of course, as with most of the foreboding hymns sung throughout, we understand that their fate is decided.

 The sparseness and serenity of the monastery is offset by the inner turmoil each of the monks face. This is presented very effectively but I do think the film misses an opportunity to shed more light on the overall political struggles of the time. We are really left in the dark on these issues and it becomes a very intimate, narrow focus on these 8 men.

SEE THIS MOVIE IF: you can appreciate the delicate balance between faith and a human desire to live

SKIP THIS MOVIE IF: watching 8 monks pray and sing hymns is a bit dry for your tastes, even if they end up taken hostage


ELIZABETH TAYLOR remembered

March 23, 2011

Even though she flirted with illness and death countless times over the last 50 years, it still came as a shock to hear the morning news of Elizabeth Taylor‘s passing.  Unless you are a movie buff or over 40 years old, you can’t understand what a glamorous, elegant movie star she was.  She truly was the last of Hollywood’s Golden Era.

She burst onto the scene as a 12-year-old in 1944’s National Velvet, but with the current release of Jane Eyre hitting theatres, it should be noted that she had a small, yet eye-opening role as a dying girl in the 1943 version with Orson Welles and Joan Fontaine.  For the next 68 years, Elizabeth Taylor never stopped opening eyes!

 Don’t make the mistake of thinking her popularity and notoriety came only from her beauty.  She was an immensely talented actress who received 5 Oscar nominations and won the award twice.  At the age of 18, she seduced (onscreen) Montgomery Clift into killing his girlfriend (Shelley Winters) in A Place in the Sun.  Movie watchers totally understood why he did it.  Those unique violet eyes set off by rare double eye-lashes (a genetic mutation), made her a stunning beauty to go along with her captivating spirit.

 She sizzled onscreen in back-to-back Tennessee Williams scripts: Cat on a Hot Tin Roof (1958) and Suddenly Last Summer (1959).  In 1963, her life changed dramatically.  When approached to play the title role in Cleopatra, she laughed off the producers and told them “only for a million dollars”, which was an unheard of salary for an actress in the day.  When they agreed, she became the first million dollar actress, and more importantly, met and fell in love with Richard Burton during filming.  “Liz and Dick” became worldwide phenomenons as stars and celebrities.  Living the “high life” was a normal day for these two.

 1966 brought about what I call the first Reality Show … Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton in Who’s Afraid of Virginia Wolfe?  With an explosive performance by Liz,  many assumed their characters mirrored the couple in real life.  The film received a dazzling 13 nominations, including a win for Ms. Taylor.  There were many additional performances after this, but by 1967’s The Taming of the Shrew, she had a 20 year career that was multi-dimensional and astounding.

Speaking of astounding, the only thing more amazing than her career was Elizabeth Taylor’s personal life.  She grew up in the public eye and never left.  EIGHT marriages, including two to Mr. Burton.  When husband Mike Todd was killed in a plane crash, she fell into the arms of his best friend, Eddie Fisher.  Unfortunately, Mr. Fisher was married at the time to American icon Debbie Reynolds (Singin’ in the Rain) and they had a daughter, Carrie Fisher (the future Princess Leia of Star Wars).  Of course, Mr. Fisher ended up on the short end after Liz met Burton … but you start to get the idea.

After she divorced Burton the second time, she married U.S. Senator John Warner and became a true politician’s wife.  Her final starring role was in 1981, but she became renowned for her charity work … best known for her tireless fundraising for AIDS research – stemming from the loss of her friend, Rock Hudson.  They remained close after filming Giant (James Dean‘s last role).  Later, she became a friend and trusted advisor to the enigmatic Michael Jackson.  She was probably one of the few who could relate to his level of fame and the baggage it brought.

 While there will be no shortage of obituaries and tributes to Ms. Taylor, this may be one of the few that ends with a SPORTS story.  In 1989, Jerry Jones invited Elizabeth Taylor to perform the official coin toss at a Dallas Cowboys – Washington Redskins football game.  Ms. Taylor flubbed the moment when she actually called “heads” after flipping the coin … thereby requiring a re-toss.  Even at mid-field, she was a star!


JANE EYRE (2011)

March 21, 2011

 Greetings again from the darkness. For a film to rate highly with me, mass appeal is not necessary. The requirements are an interesting story that is well cast, well acted and well directed. Though it is often required reading in high school, the novel by Charlotte Bronte is a timeless classic and among the most popular of all time. The key roles in this latest film version are played well by Dame Judi Dench (Mrs. Fairfax), Michael Fassbender (Rochester) and Mia Wasikowska (Jane). Cary Fukunaga directs. He was also responsible for the powerful 2009 film Sin Nombre (highly recommended).

There have been numerous film and TV versions of this classic over the years, with the 1943 version being the most famous. Orson Welles starred as Rochester and Joan Fontaine was Jane. While that version still works, this year’s model is the first that I believe surpasses that one in quality. The two keys are the performance of Mia Wasikowska and the direction of Mr. Fukunaga.

 The film surprises a bit with it’s flashback approach, but it works well in linking the older Jane with her early struggles. This version really rests heavy on Wasikowska’s shoulders and she does not disappoint. You will recognize her from her recent turns in Alice in Wonderland, and The Kids Are All Right. She quickly jumps to the head of the Jane Eyre class. Very impressive.

Fukunaga’s direction relies on art direction and spectacular lighting. He draws in the viewer to this dark and mysterious world where much goes unstated, yet so much is communicated. The good girl/bad boy battle is always fun and moreso when the good girl is a remarkably independent and brassy girl, while the bad boy is very dark and dangerous. Of course, this is Hollywood so the novel’s unattractive Rochester is played by the strapping Fassbender (Inglourious Basterds).  I even thought the “reveal” was well-handled and the fall-out simple enough to follow.

 What always attracted me to this story was the strength and perseverance of Jane herself. To find a girl with such fortitude and moral stamina despite her upbringing and longings means the central character is both fascinating and easy to pull for. She is what we would wish of our own daughters … self confident, full of character and observant of what is fair and just.

If you aren’t the literary type, don’t expect to enjoy this film. Watching it is truly like the visualization that occurs when reading a top novel. I was completely drawn into life at Thornfield Hall and the life of Jane Eyre.

SEE THIS MOVIE IF: you read the classic novel OR enjoy strong female characters OR appreciate an atmospheric approach to literary subject 

SKIP THIS MOVIE IF: the nuanced courtship of two polar opposite characters does not provide enough action, gun play or explosions for your taste


LIMITLESS

March 21, 2011

 Greetings again from the darkness. I absolutely love this premise. The idea that, by taking a pill, we can simultaneously access all parts of our brain and process information at hyper-speed is fascinating, and a terrific idea for a movie. As it turns out, that terrific premise loses much luster when the center of action is a egomaniacal, smirking doofus played by a strutting Bradley Cooper and the story lines fall miles short of accessing a portion of the possibilities.

The set-up portion of the film is fairly interesting. Cooper plays a stone-walled loser  of a writer whose career-minded girlfriend (Abbie Cornish) wisely dumps him as he offers up very little in self-defense. A seemingly random street meet of his ex-brother-in-law leads Cooper to a whole new world brought on by the magic of NZT. He quickly realizes he can recall every detail he has ever seen or read and he process information quickly and clearly. He finishes his book in a flash and learns multiple languages, plays the piano, etc etc.

The film takes a wrong turn when he realizes his ability comes in handy in the stock market, as well as blackjack. But obviously if YOU were in this situation, the first thing you would do is contact a Russian loan shark and take out a giant loan … and then forget to pay it back. What? You wouldn’t? Well then, don’t expect to have a movie made about your life.

Director Neil Burger (The Illusionist) brings a wonderful visual touch to Cooper’s mind and an awesome telescoping zoom rush through the streets of NYC. That was actually my favorite part of the film (once over the opening credits and again during the film).

 The film misses quite a few opportunities to be as smart as Cooper’s character is supposed to be. Either the Russian loan shark or the ultra-rich businessman played by Robert DeNiro could have led to Faustian themes that would have provided endless opportunities. Instead, we don’t even get a satisfying battle of wits between the parties. Quite a disappointment.

Overall, the film is entertaining enough, but a letdown over what should have been. Watching Cooper strut and DeNiro sleepwalk are not enough for me as a movie goer.

SEE THIS MOVIE IF: you enjoy mentally re-writing a film as you watch it (there are plenty of opportunities here)

SKIP THIS MOVIE IF: you believe a move about the infinite possibilites of the brain should be somewhat mentally stimulating


THE LINCOLN LAWYER

March 20, 2011

 Greetings again from the darkness. Major dilemma: sucker for courtroom dramas vs. no fan of Matthew McConaughey. I decided to give it a shot, and given my low expectations, found the movie to be quite entertaining – despite its numerous flaws. If you are a fan of the endless stream of John Grisham book-turned-movie, then I expect you will find this one to your taste.

Based on the Michael Connelly series of novels built around Mick Haller, this one has the look and feel of part one (and also of a TV series). Haller is the Lincoln Lawyer, so named because of his propensity to handle much of his work from the backseat of a classic Lincoln Town Car. The choice of McConaughey as Haller seemed all together wrong given his annual appearance in some lame ass Rom-Com, where he spends most of each movie shirtless and smirking. Luckily for us, Mr. McConaughey manages to re-capture some of the acting skills he flashed in A Time to Kill, so many years ago.

 In addition to his close to the vest portrayal of Haller, the movie works because of an incredibly deep cast that includes Marisa Tomei as his ex-wife and frequent courtroom adversary (she is an ADA), Ryan Phillippe as the accused rich boy, William H Macy as the long-time and streetwise private investigator, Josh Lucas as the ADA in the main case, Bryan Cranston as the detective in charge, plus Michael Pena, Bob Gunton (warden from Shawshank Redemption), John Leguizamo, Frances Fisher, Laurence Mason (Earl the driver), Shea Willingham (Boardwalk Empire), Trace Adkins (the country star as the leader of a biker gang) and Michael Pare (Eddie and the Cruisers). Seriously, this cast allows every scene to have something worth watching.

 The two things that prevent the movie from being top notch are the beyond-belief exaggerated moments (including about 3 too many endings) and the absolutely distracting camera work courtesy of director Brad Furman. In the hands of a more experienced director, many of the flaws could have been corrected.

This is not presented as an ultra serious courtroom drama in the vein of 12 Angry Men or Judgment at Nuremberg. Rather it is a character driven story with a multitude of twists … some of which work and some of which don’t. I found it to be  enjoyable despite the script issues and the hey-look-at-me direction.

SEE THIS MOVIE IF: you too are a sucker for courtroom dramas OR you doubt my claim that McConaughey can avoid going shirtless for 2 hours.

SKIP THIS MOVIE IF: you demand perfection in your crime thriller scripts OR you believe the only reason to see a McConaughey movie is because he does go shirtless


HAPPYTHANKYOUMOREPLEASE

March 14, 2011

 Greetings again from the darkness. Yes, that really is the title of the film.  If such a thing existed in Hollywood, I wouldn’t be surprised if Woody Allen brought a Trademark Infringement suit against writer/director Josh Radnor. There is even a clear reference to Mr. Allen, who must be one of Radnor’s idols. Of course, similar ideas and approaches happen frequently in movies, so really what we have is a snapshot in time of what it’s like to be a young (late 20’s to early 30’s) New Yorker trying to figure out life.

Radnor is one of the stars of “How I Met Your Mother” and this is his filmmaking debut. He does show some promise, despite some weakness in the script and too dang many close-ups – talking heads, as I call them. His goal was to take an intimate look at relationships and the road to maturity, which is often filled with potholes. This seems especially true for these artistic types who are convinced New York is the only land of opportunity in existence.

There are 4 stories going on: Sam (Josh Radnor) is a struggling writer who meets Mississippi (Kate Mara), a cabaret singer/waitress; Mary Catherine (Zoe Kazan) and Charlie (Pablo Schreiber) have their relationship tested by a proposed move to L.A.; Annie (Malin Akerman) suffers from a self-image problem and faces off against a true romantic in Sam #2 (Tony Hale); and an on-going interwoven story line involves Sam’s character making an asinine decision when a young boy gets separated from his family on the subway.

 The best of the stories is Annie’s. Suffering from an auto-immune disease which leaves her hairless, she has a real self-image problem in thinking that she is not worthy of love. On the ironic other hand, she is put off by the advances of nice guy Sam #2 because he isn’t the physical specimen she had dreamed of. Akerman and Hale make these characters believable and we actually pull for them to figure it out.

Kazan’s Mary Catherine just had me hoping Charlie would slap her and take off to LA on his own. Kazan (granddaughter of the great director Elia Kazan) actually does a nice job capturing the suffering that so many females put themselves through. Kate Mara’s Mississippi is the perky on the outside, defensive on the inside type who should probably never get mixed up with the self-centered mess that is Sam (Radnor). Still, Mara’s talent is on full display (she first leaped off the screen in Brokeback Mountain as Heath Ledger‘s 19 yr old daughter).

 One thing the script reminds us is that this generation still believes the world revolves around their every decision. They have been a bit slow on the uptake here, but it makes for easy pickings in script writing. My favorite line in the film is when Mara tells Radnor that he likes living his life like the short stories he writes, but she is ready for the novel.  There are some terrific individual scenes, but some of the larger plot lines are not treated fairly or completely. Maybe Radnor tackled a bit too much for his first outing. Still, a decent effort and I look forward to more from him

SEE THIS MOVIE IF: you enjoy “little” films that focus on life intricacies

SKIP THIS MOVIE IF: narcissistic, young New Yorkers make you want to run screaming from the theater


BATTLE: LOS ANGELES

March 13, 2011

 Greetings again from the darkness. The downside to being an eternal movie optimist is that the falls can be very hard. I had hopes going in that this could be a sci-fi, alien-invasion, doomsday, special effects flick that would deliver a few thrills and chills. Not. So. Much.

The two best things I can say about the film are: 1. Aaron Eckhart has a great face for a grizzled Marine. 2. The film is loud. Loud and Noisy. If those don’t sound like resounding endorsements, it’s because I really, really, really disliked this movie.

Aaron Eckhart gives it all he has as the 20 year Marine who has put in for retirement. He also has a somewhat gray mark on his record from his last assignment, where (rumor has it) he was responsible for the death of men in his command. That really ends the depth of the film. Eckhart gets dragged back into active duty when a meteor shower turns out to be an alien invasion.

 This ludicrous alien invasion is evidently for the earth’s water. Somehow these aliens have run out of water on their planet, wherever that may be. They are smart enough for intergalactic travel and drone activity to minimize their own damage during the attack, but they can’t figure out how to successfully take over Santa Monica from a hand full of Marines.  By the way, Los Angeles traffic looks the same after an alien invasion – no cars are moving.

I found myself laughing on more than one occasion and I am quite sure that director Jonathan Liebsesman and writer Christopher Bertolini had no visions of this being comical. It has the look of a blend of Independence Day, Cloverfield and War of the Worlds. It isn’t in their league … and I really didn’t care much at all for two of those.

Bridget Moynahan, Michael Pena and a couple of kids are tossed in to soften the military slant and try to bring some human touches, but none of it works. Neither does Michelle Rodriguez as … SURPRISE … a tough as nails soldier who displays heroic instincts. Seen that before? The aliens look like malnourished Transformers. The camera work is god-awful. The special effects range from acceptable to laughable. The dialogue is limited to cool things like “look out”, “heads-up”, “in here”, “that’s an order” …  Actually, the movie could become perfect fodder for “Mystery Science Theater”!

But mostly what this one is successful at is NOISE. Lots of noise. Lots of loud noise. So believe me when I scream … STAY AWAY!

SEE THIS MOVIE IF: your life is so perfectly calm and boring that you crave a cacophony of chaos.

SKIP THIS MOVIE IF: you prefer to avoid motion-sickness and headaches generated by sloppy filmmaking


THE LAST DETAIL (1973) revisited

March 11, 2011

 Greetings again from the darkness.  Last evening I attended the second film in the monthly 1970’s series being presented by the Dallas Film Society, Landmark Magnolia Theatre and Chris Vognar of the Dallas Morning News.  This one happens to be one of my all-time favorites and one that seems to have been forgotten by many … THE LAST DETAIL.

It would be easy enough to understand how the film has drifted into oblivion and become just another one of the many fine films that were born during an incredibly prolific and ground-breaking era, if not for these factors:

1. It received 3 Academy Award nominations: Best Actor (Jack Nicholson); Best Supporting Actor (Randy Quaid); Best Adapted Screenplay (Robert Towne)

2. It features what may be Jack Nicholson’s finest performance, and certainly one of his top 5.

3. The screenplay was written by the great Robert Towne from the novel by Darryl Ponicsan

4. The film was directed by the beloved (but troubled) Hal Ashby, who had a remarkable string of films that garnered a very faithful following

5. Its humor and poignancy hold up very well today as evidenced by last night’s audience response

 Admittedly, I have always viewed this as a “Guy’s movie” – one of those movies that guys love to quote and girls love to hate.  The audience last night was at least one-third female and the overall response was very strong, especially from those who had not previously seen the movie.  Sure, there was one lady who called the film “despicable”, but as Mr. Vognar pointed out, she was probably bringing her own values and morals into the story. 

To do that is to miss the point entirely.  No denying, there is an enormous amount of booze, fighting, shoplifting, prostitution and swearing.  Oh my, the amount and severity of swearing never ceases to amaze. What’s important to note, and has been stated by Mr. Towne on numerous occasions, these are lifelong military men who feel trapped and powerless most of their waking hours.  The swearing and bravado serve as their defense mechanism … their last grasp of independence. 

Though I have seen the film numerous times over the years, I was struck by two things last night.  First, Randy Quaid’s performance brings an incredible amount of humanity and sympathy to a character that demanded a certain approach.  Many actors would have over-played it, but 22 year old Quaid’s baby-face works magic in the scenes where we see the two hard-nosed sailors begin to soften their stance.  Second, Otis Young as Mulhall showed much more range than I had remembered.  He is the perfect centerpiece between Nicholson and Quaid.  As a side note, this was Gilda Radner‘s big screen debut and a couple of years before the birth of Saturday Night Live.

 A quick note on Nicholson.  This is a far different Nicholson than what we have seen recently in The Bucket List or Something’s Gotta Give.  He was coming off a star-making turn in Five Easy Pieces and was on his way to Chinatown and One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest.  This is a great actor at his absolute peak.  Sure, there is the infamous “I am the bleepity-bleep Shore Patrol” outburst in the bar, but more impressive are his scenes on the trains, or at the picnic.  Great stuff.

Lastly, I’ll mention director Hal Ashby.  His string of fabulous “little” films include Harold & Maude, The Last Detail, Shampoo, Bound for Glory, Coming Home and Being There … each quirky, but incredibly insightful, and proof of just what a fine filmmaker he was.

Next month’s screening is the political conspiracy thriller The Parallax View.  It was directed by Alan Pakula and stars Warren Beatty.  For all you youngsters, there was a time when Warren Beatty was Hollywood royalty and not just the old guy who hangs around Annette Bening.


RANGO

March 6, 2011

 Greetings again from the darkness. I just can’t believe it. Last year I was raving about Toy Story 3 being my favorite film of the year, and now here I am again extolling the excellence of another animated feature. However, Rango is a different experience … these are all new characters and a whole new look for animation. I would even say this is more a film for grown-ups than for kids, though kids will certainly get a kick out of Rango, a colorful chameleon energetically voiced by Johnny Depp.

 The story and film pay homage to many classic movies and especially to spaghetti westerns. You will easily spot the tributes to Star Wars, Apocalypse Now, Hunter S Thompson, Sergio Leone, Lee Van Cleef, Clint Eastwood, High Noon, and of course Chinatown. The main story line is nearly identical to Chinatown … the control of a town’s water. Here we get the Mayor, voiced by Ned Beatty, in the John Huston role. For film fans, this is just so much fun!

Rango the chameleon is a very likable character who just wants to make friends. He dreams of being a hero so that people will look up to him. Of course, he learns the hard way what being a hero really means. The town of Dirt, the desert, and multitude of characters are all fantastically drawn. There are times the film has a look of live action with terrific lighting and detail, and the colors are perfect.

 The voice acting in the film is truly outstanding and it starts with Depp’s fine work. Also contributing are Ned Beatty (Mayor), Bill Nighy (Rattlesnake Jake), Isla Fisher, Abigail Breslin, Stephen Root, Alfred Molina (Armadillo), Ray Winstone, Charles Fleisher (from 1988’s Who Framed Roger Rabbit?) and Timothy Olyphant as the Clint Eastwood character no-named Spirit of the West. There is also a useful and very funny Mariachi band that pops up periodically to push the story along.

Director Gore Verbinski is known best for his Pirates of the Caribbean movies (with Depp) and he really gets to go all out on his visual style here. He is helped immensely by George Lucas‘ Industrial Light & Magic (ILM) and their first foray into animation. Heads up Pixar … you definitely have some tough competition!

A note of caution: I did notice a lot of younger kids seemed to get bored and had trouble following the story.  There are some terrific action scenes, but there is also a great deal of time spent on the story and characters – not exactly perfect for keeping a kid’s attention.

SEE THIS MOVIE IF: you love a good western or good animation (this one is both)

SKIP THIS MOVIE IF: you have very young kids … there are long dialogue-driven sequences between the few action effects


THE ADJUSTMENT BUREAU

March 6, 2011

 Greetings again from the darkness. Philip K Dick was one of the more prolific sci-fi writers and his works include Blade Runner, Minority Report and Total Recall. He also wrote The Adjustment Team, the short story upon which this film is based. The premise is fascinating: the “bureau” is a team who influence/adjust the timing of simple events so as to lead mankind toward a predetermined future.

Matt Damon plays David Norris, the rising young star in New York politics … that is until a college prank is exposed and scandal ensues. On election night, prior to his concession speech, he meets Elise (Emily Blunt), the girl of his dreams.  It struck me how rare the occasion that one meet’s the girl of their dreams in a men’s restroom. Their charming banter and immediate connection lead Norris to make a heartfelt speech that thrusts him right back into the hearts of the voters.  Turns out this meeting was a planned adjustment.

 When David and Elise meet again, this time by chance on a bus, a mysterious force begins to reveal itself. David is exposed to The Adjustment Bureau and told to stay away from Elise, lest he ruin both his dreams and hers. Of course, this isn’t really a sci-fi thriller in the traditional sense. It’s much more a love story … a love story for two people who seem pre-destined to be together. And therein is the conflict.

The story is really a debate between fate and free will. Does destiny lead us down the path or do we make our own way? Can we have it all … the life we want, with the partner we want? The Chairman of the Bureau is clearly a reference to a God-like power, but his “angels” have powers limited to shortcut door portals, slight adjustments to thinking patterns, and looking good in hats.

 While writer/director George Nolfi creates an interesting-to-look-at cityscape and an usually smart romantic film, it actually falls a bit short on overall effectiveness when it devotes so much running time to the explanation of how the bureau works. I would have much preferred more debate and examples of how adjustments affect free will and maintain the path to destiny. Instead we get a crash course on the inner-workings of this odd team. That said, there aren’t very many better faces and voices than that of Terence Stamp, who plays The Hammer for the bureau. He is a fixer who uses less than forthright tactics in his moments of influencing David.

I am probably being a bit harsh on this one considering that it is quite a bit more clever than the average studio release, but I can’t help but believe it was capable of so much more.  And I so wish the clash of sci-fi and love story had not spun off on such a silly and cringe-worthy path.  It doesn’t ruin the good parts of the movie, but it certainly prevented the film from reaching its potential.

SEE THIS MOVIE IF: you long for that rare film genre – a Romantic Thriller

SKIP THIS MOVIE IF: you are looking for the cool shortcuts through NYC – sorry, but the whole hat and door knob thing doesn’t really work.