2019 Oak Cliff Film Festival
Greetings again from the darkness. “Hail Satan! ” This is definitely the first screening I’ve ever been to where those are the words the director used to introduce her film. Director Chelsea Stardust is quite passionate about her film, and most of the audience shared in her enthusiasm after experiencing this crazy, wild ride of pizza, secret devil-worshipping societies, virgin sacrifices, campy blood-splattering gore, and upper class hobbies.
Written by noted horror writer Grady Hendrix and Ted Geoghegan, the film introduces us to Samantha (an all-in Hayley Griffith). She’s a twenty-something who dreams of Australia, and somehow thinks taking a job delivering pizzas will get her there. She’s in such dire straits that she doesn’t have the 5 bucks she needs for gas in her Vespa, plus her co-workers stick the new girl with the “no tip” deliveries. I assume there really are classless people who stiff delivery folks, and it’s easy to understand why Hayley bangs on the door of a Park Cities mansion after getting the shaft on a 5 pizza delivery.
It’s that knock that transforms Samantha’s bad job into a matter of life and death. Rather than interrupting a high society neighborhood tea, she stumbles into a Satanic cult led by Danica (Rebecca Romijn, X-MEN). And guess what? It’s virgin sacrifice night! And guess who qualifies? That’s right … it’s Samantha, our no-tip pizza delivery gal. After a sequence featuring Danica’s husband (Romijn’s real life husband Jerry O’Connell) and one of the more gory and impressive practical effects of the film, Samantha manages to escape the hell-house mansion.
Soon she has teamed up with Judi (Ruby Modine), who just happens to be Danica’s daughter. Judi’s inside knowledge proves quite helpful in finding loopholes for temporary reprieves, although the devil-worshippers stay focused on offering Samantha as their virgin sacrifice to Baphomet. While all of this is happening, there is a power struggle within the coven between Danica and Gypsy (a wild-eyed Arden Myrin), adding one more wheels-off element to this carnival of comedy-horror.
Clearly this is campy, but given the low budget constraints, the film’s effects work very well, and Ms. Romijn, Ms. Griffith and Ms. Modine (Matthew’s daughter) are quite effective in their roles. It’s curious just how incredibly naïve Samantha is for her age, but this movie isn’t really about thinking and analyzing. Instead, sit back and enjoy the wildest ride you are likely to get from a Vespa-driving pizza delivery person (and please tip these folks!)
umm, yeah … I couldn’t find a trailer that could/should be played in public