THE TOURIST (2010)


 Greetings again from the darkness. Ahh, beautiful people in beautiful places. That’s a good start! Throw in some amazing film blood lines: directed by Florian Henckel von Donnersmarck (The Lives of Others), writers Christopher McQuarrie (The Usual Suspects), Julian Fellowes (Gosford Park) and Jerome Salle. Salle wrote and directed the 2005 French film that this one is based on – Anthony Zimmer. The stellar cast is led by Angelina Jolie and Johnny Depp, and includes Paul Bettany, Timothy Dalton, Rufus Sewell and the always solid Steven Berkhoff. No way to mess this one up, right??

Somehow, despite all of that, the final product is a jumble of tired visual stunts, lame dialogue and a twist so obvious it might as well have been in the trailer. The aim was a thriller with involvement of mobsters, stolen millions, boat chases, rooftop shootings, crackling dialogue intertwined with dangerous settings and high fashion. The biggest failing is with the dialogue … so many wasted moments. The give and take between Depp and Jolie is just outright lame.

 Where is the payoff for sitting through the endless string of stupid moves from Scotland Yard inspectors? The police tail on Jolie’s character looked like something from the Pink Panther movies … only it is played straight! Same with the interactions between the two stars. How about some playful banter? Did Depp’s character need to be so dull? A math teacher from Wisconsin. Really? And poor Angelina. She is used as a flesh and blood Jessica from Who Framed Roger Rabbit. EVERYTHING about her is exaggerated! Yet, she still flashes her glances like her characters from Salt or any other action film she has upgraded over the years. The film just can’t decide what it is … thriller, farce, comedy?? It just doesn’t work here.

And I have to mention the absurdity of the chase scenes through the Venice canal. It’s not very often a boat chase scene is limited to 4 knots speed. How could the shooters miss time after time? At least we were treated to some stunning shots of Venice. That’s the only positive I can offer for this one.

SEE THIS MOVIE IF: Three beautiful things is good enough (Angelina, Depp, Venice) OR you want to see the slowest boat chase scene in history

SKIP THIS MOVIE IF: you expect crackling dialogue OR you prefer your thrillers to actually have moments that thrill

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