ANACONDA (2025)

December 23, 2025

Greetings again from the darkness. Longtime movie lovers usually cringe with announcements regarding movie remakes. Of course, some work out pretty well: A STAR IS BORN (2018), THE THING (1982), TRUE GRIT (2010); while others deserve backlash: PSYCHO (1998), ROLLERBALL (2002), THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE (2003). When the news hit that writer-director Tom Gormican (THE UNBEARABLE WEIGHT OF MASSIVE TALENT, 2022) was going to remake ANACONDA (1997), it wasn’t so much a cringe reaction as it was a giant question mark … Why remake a movie that on its best day could only be labeled a fringe cult favorite? Once the leads of Jack Black (after Nic Cage dropped out) and Paul Rudd were announced, it made much more sense. This was to be a comedic take on an original film that featured quite a few accidental comedy elements.

This latest take revolves around four lifelong friends stuck in mid-life limbo, searching for meaning. Doug (Jack Black), Griff (Paul Rudd), Kenny (Steve Zahn), and Claire (Thandiwe Newton) made a movie together as kids, and Griff discovered the VHS tape at his mom’s house. Watching their work as youngsters ignites the desire to recreate the passion they once had. The solution is obvious (to them): remake ANACONDA!

They head to the Amazon and almost immediately are unknowingly caught up in a gold crime ring where a key player, Ana (Daniela Melchior, ROAD HOUSE, 2024) winds up captaining the boat they chartered for the river work. Also on the boat is Santiago (Selton Mello (I’M STILL HERE, 2024), a snake handler who brings along his pet as the titular character. As you might imagine, the whole thing turns into quite an ordeal and yes, there is a giant snake who feasts on humans (like in the original).

Director Gormican co-wrote the script with Kevin Etten, and rather than tongue-in-cheek, they go full-on comedic reimagining of the original 1997 film written by Hans Bauer, Jim Cash, and Jack Epps Jr. Paying additional homage to that film, there are mentions of Jennifer Lopez, Eric Stoltz, and a wisecrack about Jon Voight’s confusing accent. I’ll admit that I don’t always find the genius in this type of comedy, but I found myself laughing more often than not at some of the outrageous escapades … likely due to the talents of the lead actors (Zahn especially has some zingers). You likely know already whether this one will appeal to you, so enjoy … or not.

Opens in theaters on Christmas Day 2025

WATCH THE TRAILER

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Posted by David Ferguson

THE UNBEARABLE WEIGHT OF MASSIVE TALENT (2022)

April 21, 2022

Greetings again from the darkness. Calling all Nicolas Cage fans! Put the bunny back in the box and get ready for the most fun you’ll ever have with Nicolas or Nic or Nick or Nicky. And if one Cage isn’t enough for you, you’re in luck. This film has Nicolas Cage playing the (somewhat) fictional Nick Cage, and Nicolas Kim Coppola (Nicolas Cage’s birth name) playing imaginary alter-ego Nicky, a younger version of Nicolas Cage from the WILD AT HEART era who spends the movie constantly reminding Nick that he’s a movie star.

If you can’t make much sense out of all that, don’t worry, writer-director Tom Gormican and co-writer Kevin Etten have created a film that is sure to strike a chord with Nicolas Cage fans. What we see is a parody going meta in a surreal way. Very few get to star in the tribute to their own legend, but that’s what happens here. Nicolas Cage goes ‘inside baseball’ on the career of Nicolas Cage … only he does so as struggling actor Nick Cage, an actor so desperate for “the role of a lifetime” that he improvs a reading for director David Gordon Green (Cage’s director on JOE) in the parking lot of Chateau Marmont.

Having been kicked out of his rental after falling behind $600,000 in rent, Nick agrees to take a humiliating job pitched by his agent, Fink (Neil Patrick Harris). For one million dollars, he is to fly to Mallorca and hang out at the birthday party of rich super fan, Javi Gutierrez (a terrific Pedro Pascall, “The Mandalorian”). The twist here is that CIA agents played by Tiffany Haddish and Ike Barinholtz suspect Javi of being a notorious gun dealer who has kidnapped the young daughter of the Catalonia President. Spy-type shenanigans ensue as Nick and Javi develop a bromance that finds the two new buddies writing a film script together. And if that’s not quite enough subplots, you should know that Nick is at a breaking point in his relationship with his ex-wife Olivia (Sharon Horgan) and teenage daughter Abby (Lily Sheen, real life daughter of Michael Sheen and Kate Beckinsale).

The zaniness includes nods to more than a dozen Nicolas Cage movies, and much of the fun is derived from recognizing these. Easter eggs are everywhere for fans, and Nic expertly plays Nick (and Nicky) as a loving tribute to the characters we’ve seen in so many iconic films over the years. Additionally, on screen love is provided for the 1920 classic, THE CABINET OF DR. CALIGARI, as well as the more recent gem, PADDINGTON 2 (2017), making this a tribute to cinema lovers, Nicolas Cage fans, and comedies in general. I will admit to disliking director Gormican’s 2014 movie, THAT AWKWARD MOMENT, so much that I hoped he was done as a filmmaker. It turns out, he’s back (and much improved) … not that he ever went anywhere.

Opens in theaters on April 22, 2022

WATCH THE TRAILER

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Posted by David Ferguson

THAT AWKWARD MOMENT (2014)

February 1, 2014

awkward Greetings again from the darkness. Writing about lousy movies is no fun, but if I can save even one person from wasting $10 and two hours on this garbage, it’s worth it. The only way this got the green light is because of the success of The Hangover movies, Sex and the City, and HBO’s “Girls“. The difference is that all of those projects had a sense of humor and style, while writer/director Tom Gormican somehow finds it creative to end numerous scenes with someone calling someone else either ‘a f***ing idiot’ or ‘an A-hole’.

Mr.Gormican’s only other listed credit is as Producer for the gross out Movie 43. Let’s just say he is now 0-for-2, and here’s hoping he never gets a shot at number 3. This is such a waste of a talented group of up and coming actors. Zac Efron loses whatever credibility he has built up since High School Musical by playing Jason the Jerk. OK, I added the Jerk part, but it’s true. Jason is best friends and co-worker with Daniel, played by Miles Teller, who was so good in The Spectacular Now. Daniel is a simple-minded misogynist with a razor sharp tongue. They are both friends with Mikey, a young doctor whose wife dumps him. Mikey is played by Michael B Jordan, a standout in last year’s Fruitvale Station. These twenty-somethings make a drunken pact to stay single and build their roster of casual sex partners, thereby avoiding the awkward moment of “So … where is this relationship headed?”

The guys live like frat boys, guzzling booze while spouting “jokes” on such thought-provoking topics as poop, penis, masturbation, homosexuality, and Viagra. To add even more insult to humanity, there are four female roles that could set back women’s advancement by 100 years … should anyone actually see this pile of junk. Imogene Poots, Jessica Lucas, Addison Timlin and MacKenzie Davis each play smart, beautiful women who somehow associate with these dunces. For the record, Jordan’s character is not as classless as the others, but guilt by association cannot be ignored.

Miles Teller still has the potential to be the next John Cusack, and Michael B. Jordan clearly has a future if he avoids projects like this, and Zac Efron will probably take his perfect face and go back to sweet romantic comedies. The four key actresses should all bounce back soon with far superior projects … movies that don’t denigrate men, women and movie soundtracks (it may be the worst since the 1980’s).

SEE THIS MOVIE IF: you are related to director Tom Gormican and he has promised you a role if somehow someone asks him to make another movie

SKIP THIS MOVIE IF: you have an ounce of decency or even a minor reason to spend your days doing something worthwhile

watch the trailer … and then forget about this one:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JE_bE_kswEw

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JE_bE_kswEw

 

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Posted by David Ferguson