BATTLE: LOS ANGELES

March 13, 2011

 Greetings again from the darkness. The downside to being an eternal movie optimist is that the falls can be very hard. I had hopes going in that this could be a sci-fi, alien-invasion, doomsday, special effects flick that would deliver a few thrills and chills. Not. So. Much.

The two best things I can say about the film are: 1. Aaron Eckhart has a great face for a grizzled Marine. 2. The film is loud. Loud and Noisy. If those don’t sound like resounding endorsements, it’s because I really, really, really disliked this movie.

Aaron Eckhart gives it all he has as the 20 year Marine who has put in for retirement. He also has a somewhat gray mark on his record from his last assignment, where (rumor has it) he was responsible for the death of men in his command. That really ends the depth of the film. Eckhart gets dragged back into active duty when a meteor shower turns out to be an alien invasion.

 This ludicrous alien invasion is evidently for the earth’s water. Somehow these aliens have run out of water on their planet, wherever that may be. They are smart enough for intergalactic travel and drone activity to minimize their own damage during the attack, but they can’t figure out how to successfully take over Santa Monica from a hand full of Marines.  By the way, Los Angeles traffic looks the same after an alien invasion – no cars are moving.

I found myself laughing on more than one occasion and I am quite sure that director Jonathan Liebsesman and writer Christopher Bertolini had no visions of this being comical. It has the look of a blend of Independence Day, Cloverfield and War of the Worlds. It isn’t in their league … and I really didn’t care much at all for two of those.

Bridget Moynahan, Michael Pena and a couple of kids are tossed in to soften the military slant and try to bring some human touches, but none of it works. Neither does Michelle Rodriguez as … SURPRISE … a tough as nails soldier who displays heroic instincts. Seen that before? The aliens look like malnourished Transformers. The camera work is god-awful. The special effects range from acceptable to laughable. The dialogue is limited to cool things like “look out”, “heads-up”, “in here”, “that’s an order” …  Actually, the movie could become perfect fodder for “Mystery Science Theater”!

But mostly what this one is successful at is NOISE. Lots of noise. Lots of loud noise. So believe me when I scream … STAY AWAY!

SEE THIS MOVIE IF: your life is so perfectly calm and boring that you crave a cacophony of chaos.

SKIP THIS MOVIE IF: you prefer to avoid motion-sickness and headaches generated by sloppy filmmaking